1. Bob Hope: "Welcome to the Academy Awards or as it's known at my house, Passover."2. Johnny Carson: "I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces."
3. Billy Crystal: "Nothing takes the sting out of these tough economic times like watching a bunch of millionaires giving golden statues to each other."
4. Whoopi Goldberg: "I am the African Queen. Some of you may know me as the virgin queen, but I can't imagine who.
5. Steve Martin: "Hosting is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town."
6. Jon Stewart: "Welcome to the 78th Annual Academy Awards, hosted by me...the fourth male lead in Death To Smoochy."
7. Chris Rock: "Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars."
8. David Letterman: " Nominated for Best Foreign Film 'Eat Drink Man Woman'. Which is also how Arnold Schwarzenegger asked Maria Shriver out on their first date."
9. Ellen DeGeneres: "Since the Oscars have decided to go green, I've been told to recycle some of my old jokes."
10. Hugh Jackman: "Fifteen career Oscar nominations. That's a record. I hate to say it but when someone puts up numbers like that, it's just hard not to think steroids."
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